As ISB students, we encounter a recurring problem every February on the 14th. Many of us spend our Valentines day in the middle of a jungle, climbing a mountain, or sleeping on the ground. As a result, for the majority of people, Valentines day passes without notice, and that’s fine for most of us singles who’d rather not celebrate our own loneliness. However, we’ve had some interesting fictional letters flown to us by carrier pigeon about how to approach Valentines day as an ISB student.
Gerald Hooters: Hello Nathan and Dan. I am in currently in immense distress because Valentine’s day has always been a prime weakness of mine and every year my girlfriend and I are on the brink of a breakup because of it. I want to make her forget about last year’s February 14th, where I foolishly ran over her mum and set her brother on fire.
Yes, Gerald, we understand that Valentine’s day is a stressful time of year and it isn’t always a magical experience for everyone like it is for Nathan and me. But it wouldn’t be fair to compare the ordinary dude with the masters of romance, so don’t sweat it. To make up for your ‘accidents’ last year, I suggest that you surprise her by taking her on a romantic candle light picnic in the woods. And what better way to get than to get behind the wheel and go for a relaxed laid back drive. Hopefully for you nothing shall go wrong and then she will start to realize that she can trust you with normal tasks of everyday life and that you’re not an imbecile. If, however, things do go wrong to a fatal extent, just look at the bright side that you’re putting her out of her misery if she hasn’t already dumped you. It amazes me that she has not filed for a restraining order, you freak.
*Insert Name*: *Insert greeting aimed at Nathan and Dan* *Mention GCW which I will be attending* *Insert explanation of tense relationship that might be improved by Nathan and Dan’s advice* *Sign off with generic farewell*.
Apologies readers, those in charge of filtering through the millions of questions we are receiving have been sacked.
Sir Leicester Worcestershire IV : Greetings good sirs. I have recently signed up for the upcoming activity named Global Citizenship Week. My darling girlfriend, Arabella Venetia Kensington II (pronounced “the second” for you lower class dogs), and I are looking to partake in a six day trek up Poon Hill in Nepal. This endeavour is my first experience outside of my humble home in the Swiss Alps, apart from my daily flights via private-jet to Bangkok to attend educational lectures at ISB. I have no trouble enduring the cold climates of mountainous terrain, my issue concerns the tension in my current casual relationship. I am aware that you could provide certain pieces of guidance in how to release this tension during our upcoming adventure.
Sup bro. My first worry about your situation would be your name. Perhaps you feel uncomfortable in a relationship in which it is impossible for your other half to pronounce your name. Aside from that, I can’t see any way for you to release any tension that is inevitably being caused by your arrogant personality. Enjoy your trip, I will pray to the god altitude sickness. After your flight back, you might want to set your time forward 500 years and join the rest of us. Peace out.
Now we understand that sometimes when reading our responses, you may find yourselves mind-boggled as to the fact of why we’re still in business. You look at these responses and you take them for granted. The truth is we, Nathan and Dan, care about the well-being of society, mostly, however, we help those who are clueless and believe us there are a lot of clueless morons out there. Believe it or not, you may actually be one. You probably are one. So during this difficult upcoming Valentine’s day, we’ll give you some actual advice: Don’t be an idiot.
Nathan Scott and Dan Borenstein
