A person who joined my friend group became super toxic, and it was a huge drama. She’s hanging out with different people now. Should I warn them or mind my own business?
Response by senior Riley Thomas:
Your dilemma really stood out to me among the others. I can relate to being in complex situations where everyone has differing opinions and you don’t know the right response. This is a situation I really hope you can work out. When dealing with the complex dynamics between friends and groups, there are many things to keep in mind. Actions and motives are always nuanced, and things can always be skewed from one perspective to the next. Staying out of the way and minding your own business, while it may feel wrong, is the best path forward with the least potential for misunderstanding and fallout.
From personal experience as a senior in highs school and having been through similar situations, I find that involving yourself in other people’s business never ends well. I’ve known and been friends with people who always feel the need to warn you about others. The warnings, however, never seem genuine but instead gossipy and targeted. When you are talking about others behind their back, it has a way of getting back to them. If what you are saying to the new group is something you wouldn’t be willing to say directly to the person, it’s an apparent sign that you shouldn’t be saying anything at all. Even if what you are saying is something you’d say to the person, words can be changed as they make their way from one person to the next.
The only reason I could think of to involve yourself in this situation would be if the person in question harmed others and you believe it absolutely necessary to tell their new group. Think about if this was you. You just lost all your friends, whether it was your fault or not, and now someone you used to be friends with is talking about you to your new group. Actions are always nuanced, and you never really know the true motives or thought process behind others’ actions. What one sees as “toxic” may be viewed differently by another person. Of course, there are genuinely bad intentions and irredeemable actions, but these aren’t cause to get involved. If this person is really toxic, their true colors will show eventually and the group will see them how they are. Things will work out in the end without you getting involved, especially if the actions themselves aren’t directly harmful.
I really think that you can work this out with the least impact on everyone involved. Staying out of the way of a complicated situation will not only save you from unnecessary drama — but also those who are close to the situation. Good luck. You got this! :)))
